Sometimes you have ideas, look back at them, and wonder how in the bloody hell you could have written something so stupid. Growing up, I watched the He-Man and She-Ra movie, and had the movie story on Cassette, too, so I remember almost everything about it. I also had many of the action figures as well, including this awesome 3 building playset, and one of the buildings was an awesome snake tower. Interestingly, I never saw a single He-Man or She-Ra episode, only the animated movie.

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      One night in college, I watched the He-Man movie, and I was just like, “What the hell. I could write a better movie than this.” So, sleep deprived around 2am I wrote a quick summary, filed it away, and never saw it again…until now. Let’s see just what I wrote. All grammar errors are kept intact from my stream of consciousness. I make comments on my notes in parenthesis and bold.

START NOTES

      “Main villain Hordak (I always preferred Hordak’s design and character to Skeletor). Kidnaps She-Ra when she is a baby, leaving note he could have taken either baby. King’s wife interferes and Hordak kills her. Leaves to other dimension (This is a really dark opening).

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For those that don’t know, this is Hordak.

      “Hordak trying to merge both worlds by draining the life essence out of people (What the hell? Where did this come from?). He-Man finds out about the other dimension in the final assault on Skeletor’s castle. He finds documents about it inside (So, screw origin stories, let’s get right to the battle). Skeletor falls into a pit and seemingly dies. Defender of Castle Greyskull says there is a device to enter other dimension in the basement of Castle Greyskull, guarded by a guardian and puzzles (because of course).

      “Perhaps have He-Man learn of other dimensions through his animal because they are connected –Battlecat/Horse – and they create portals (No…Just no).

      “Once in the other dimension, finds She-Ra leading her own army against Hordak. She was apparently raised by Hordak and revolted against him (Hey, in the movie, He-Man had to convince her Hordak was evil, but apparently in my draft she was smart enough to find out on her own). She had found a sword that turned her into this and she escaped.

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For those who don’t know, this is She-Ra

      “Final Battle: He-Man battles Hordak while he sends She-Ra to stop the merger of worlds which will kill millions (was I watching Sliders or something around this time?). He-Man wins, barely. Then red Skeletor appears. Has a rotating room with spikes they fight on (what, am I putting Mortal Kombat in here now?). Skeletor more powerful (I think I made his bones red to indicate this), and he explains why; he has mastered reincarnation spells (sure, why not, this is just a hodgepodge of ideas at this point, why not toss Ninja Scroll into it, too). Skeletor announces he lured He-Man played everyone (go grammer). Outside, it looks like Hordak’s forces defeated, but Skeletor army was waiting for He-Man and Hordak’s army to thin out. He-Man cannot win because Skeletor cannot die. Skeletor kills He-Man (so this isn’t a kid’s movie?).

      “Defender of Greyskull, the girl with wings (I guess I couldn’t remember her name) says she can merge He-Man’s power with hers. She-Ra gains twice the power and defeats Skeletor (so, I guess my preference for hero was She-Ra, even though I called my movie He-Man).

      “Skeletor will reincarnate somewhere else and no one will be able to stop him because He-Man and She-Ra will be too old. She-Ra must decide to let Skeletor possibly win in the future, or kill herself (Shawn, this is supposed to be for kids!) and have her and He-Man be resurrected later to stop him. She must act before He-Man’s powers cannot be returned. Defender of Greyskull casts the spell and She-Ra stabs and kills herself (Jesus Christ!).

      “Show twins being born. Show a man born elsewhere with a skull birthmark, but man raises him anyway (how nice of him).”

END NOTES

You can tell I didn’t bother to ever edit my ideas ever, and just put it down and forgot about it forever. Reincarnating in a different body as a baby is not the same as falling off a cliff and not dying, by the way. Also, how is Skeletor not able to die, but somehow She-Ra kills him. And what the hell is wrong with me by having their mother murdered, He-Man killed by his main villain, and having She-Ra kill herself? Anyway, this is probably why I shouldn’t be writing fan fiction, and maybe this is one time I shouldn’t be writing for Hollywood.

FINAL WORDS: So, I had the Battle Damaged He-Man and Skeletor as a kid, and they had 3 chest options: regular, one sword slash, or two sword slashes. You could flip through them to imitate them cutting each other. Maybe subconsciously I brought that aspect of them cutting people with swords into my movie.

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Also, apparently blood doesn’t exist in your body until you turn 18.

One thought on “Why I Should Write For Hollywood: He-Man / She-Ra Movie

  1. abby
    March 14, 2014 at 11:41 am

    i like it

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